ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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