Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
