I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
