the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
