two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
