No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Farmville is her only friend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
