Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize