Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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