She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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