Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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