It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
