oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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