my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
