I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
