plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
