john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
