I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
