I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
