he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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