Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
