You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
