I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
