So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
