everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
