Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
