He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up under a house in Key West
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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