Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
