don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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