literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
