I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
