I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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