so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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