then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
