oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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