marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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