I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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