so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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