2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
