we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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