I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
