last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
