how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
