my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
