tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
