I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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