I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
