why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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