Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
