i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
