He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
