We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
