She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
