i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
