omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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