I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
